dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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