So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
