I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
