Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i think my cat just said my name.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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