He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
