Say something about gay babies.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
