that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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