Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
