Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have demons in me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
