Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
