I forgot how hot balto sounded
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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