I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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