My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish i was in the wii world.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
