Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
