I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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