I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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