Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my sisters under your porch take her home
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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