Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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