I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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