it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
