Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
