Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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