Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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