I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
