What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
