I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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