I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
