Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
