Nicole vs. Life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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