The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
