i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
