It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
