I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
