sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
