So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
