so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
