So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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