I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
