I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
