FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
