this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
