She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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