He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
