listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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