The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
