i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize