it was like his penis was on wheels.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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