I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
