I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
