I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
