I will die if light touches me.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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