I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
