im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
