i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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