He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
