dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His nipple licking is glorious
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