Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
