Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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