i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
