the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
