the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
