i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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