she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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