I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
