He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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