so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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