I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
