Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
