Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
