My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
