Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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