Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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