someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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