Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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