That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
