I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
