So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize