I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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