Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
