how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
