When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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