She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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